Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just cropdusted the office
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
