Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
