im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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