You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
