What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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