would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
