i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
