From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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