she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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