just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
