i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
