Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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