I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
