Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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