Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
