They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
