I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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