that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
