Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
