it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
