just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
