my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
