I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
