They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
