I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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