dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
