I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
