just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
