I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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