The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize