we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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