Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
