i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
