i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
