Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
