I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
