i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we made out on top of his cat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize