??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
