Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
