I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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