Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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