Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
