She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
