i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
