Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
