she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
