can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
