Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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