my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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