I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
