So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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