How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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