guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
