So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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