Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
