There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
