Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
