"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
