He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
