I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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