god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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