I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
