What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
