dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
