you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I color on your dick again?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
