There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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