i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wish my penis had a tongue
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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