i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
