pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
