Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
