i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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