I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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