Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
