Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize