Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
