me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
