Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
