We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
