Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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