The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
