he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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