It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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