I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize