Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
