I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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