he shaved USA in his pubs
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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